*And here we are again.

A  couple of years ago, I had a lot of free time. I chose to spend that free time writing a blog. It was basically an excuse for me to share a lot of my thoughts [okay, they're actually more like sermons] with the world. As it turns out, I didn't have as many thoughts as I thought I had. I wrote a couple (kind of embarassing, now that I look back on them) blog posts about how I saw the world. You can feel free to go back through my archives, and take a look at them, but I promise you, they aren't much.

Now I sit once again at my parent's computer with a lot of free time. My situation isn't all that different from when I first sat down to write here, but my perspective is quite a bit different. Like way different. 

For starters, I've simply grown up. In the 3 years since I started this whole shibang, I've made a lot of memories. Some of them bad, some good, some crazy, some scary, some insanely happy, and some that I don't have enough room in my brain to keep for very long. 

I've also made a lot of choices. Some notable, like the jobs I've chosen to take and the college I chose to attend. Some really tiny, like the scent of the lotion I bought my sister for her birthday. It's strange to look back and realize that every. little. choice. that I made from the time I typed the words of my first post until last week changed my life story. 

In the last 3 years, I've started and stopped a host of relationships. I said goodbye to some great friends, and hello to some more. I've met new family members, and seen less and less of others. I've hugged people that were moving away, and introduced myself to strangers. Each and every one of the people that I've interacted with in the last 3 years have made a difference in my life. In fact, these relationships had probably the biggest impact on my ever changing perspective on the world. 

To be honest, there's a very good chance that after this post, I'll never write on this blog again. However, there's also a chance (admittedly quite smaller) that I keep this up and my captivated audience eats up my words like the last bite of almond stick. 

Yeah, well, a girl can dream, right?

Yes she can. And as I sit here, I dream. I'm dreaming of what I think my life might look like. I'm dreaming of all the choices I'll make. I'm trying my best to predict the way my life might turn out. 

I've found myself caught between my "college life" and my "real life", and it's just weird. This space makes me question which one is really me. Am I the Lea that went to high school with 85 other kids? The one who had no qualms about taking selfies in woodshop and throwing sandbags around after the school day was done? Am I the Lea that worked her butt of all summer to pay for the impending cloud that was college? Am I the Lea that rode in her dad's truck down the freeway for hours and hours? Or am I someone else? 

Am I the Lea that has no problem staying up until 2 in the morning? Am I the Lea that explains to literally everyone that her name has no "h", but is still pronounced the same way? Am I the Lea that's now capbable of standing up in front of a classroom of people and giving a speech? Am I the Lea that may or may not have skipped quite a few chapels to take a nap?

How do I reconcile all of this?

I literally have no idea. And, existential crises aside, how am I supposed to be all of this and take a break?

That girl who started a blog 3 years ago was me. She was annoying and energetic, and totally oblivious, but then again, 3 years from now, I'll look back and say the same about the one typing right now.

Well, Since you had to go throught a whole post without really anything getting reslolved, here's a [cute] consolation picture that my friends and I had taken today ;)

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go eat some free food and watch infomercials until 2 in the morning. 

*Lea